Right or Wrong?

Here's to a Change

So. Four years ago I said I'd write a publishable work. But though I started working on one, it never was finished. I have left many fanfics unfinished, both publicly and anonymously. I've posted sporadically - which is nothing new but has grown quite a bit worse - and only published a few one-shot fanfics now and again without updating my current works. Here's the thing:

I've tried focusing on RL. On making friends with my co-workers, on finding a girlfriend, on advancing in my "real job". Then, last week in fact, I looked around and came to some harsh realizations.

My "real job" co-workers, who I've spent the last couple years attempting to build friendships with, have invited me out all of three times. Several have mentioned we should get together and hang out sometime, yet never actually make plans with me. However, they have hung out with other co-workers, some they've known mere months compared to the years they've known me.

I had made several attempts to join different interest groups the past year so to have friends away from work that I know share my hobbies. I even exchanged contact information a time or two. Like with my co-workers, this has led to absolutely nothing.

The end result is what few people I do consider friends live hundreds of miles away from me, and while their support and what correspondence we exchange is uplifting and encouraging, it leaves me without socializing that doesn't involve a computer.

I'm better at writing romance than having one. My attempts at relationships haven't even been spectacular failures. They've just fizzled out and gone nowhere. With both parties pretty much walking away without any really hurt feelings because we didn't even get far enough for feelings to be invoked. I knew I was raised sincere rather than charming, but damn, how bad I am at engaging in a serious relationship has really soured the experience for me lately.

I hate my job. I like aspects of it, but as a whole, it is not anything I ever intended to make a career in. I don't really look forward to going to work, and while I may finally have made some career advancements and am still attempting to go further my motivation isn't love of what I do but cold hard cash. Not exactly inspirational stuff.

My conclusion has been that RL and adulting suck. I'm tired of putting myself out there for people who don't give a shit. And I'm tired of focusing all my energy on a job that may be sustaining my life but is adding nothing to it.

Fics and writing make me feel alive. Exchanging letters and posts with fellow fans of stories make me happier than talking to any of my co-workers. So while I may have to be an Adult and continue to make money, I'm going to take some of that motivation I've been throwing at lost causes and focus it on what does make me happy.

I've said year after year I am actually going to finish my fics and get serious about this or that. But this time I really mean it. I'm too old to be wasting time on what doesn't make me happy. Depending on how things go, this handle may even go public with my RL persona. We'll see. Watch out, world, cuz Salmon is tired of taking things as they come and making do.

I am Woman, Hear me Roar.

[Salmon Rants!] SPN 11 - It's not a romance, what's wrong with you people?

Trigger warning, this post will contain interpretation of a relationship as Non-con. Read at your own risk.

So, actually, I am enjoying Supernatural Season 11 so far. I feel like there's been some great scenes and interesting plot twists. We've gotten to see characters from previous seasons again, We've gotten some fantastic brotherly bonding moments with Sam and Dean. Some pretty sweet scenes between Dean and Cas. We even got Jody forcing Sam and Dean to help her give the sex talk to Alex, which was so hilarious, I literally was laughing out loud. (And getting odd looks from my family since I was watching it on my smartphone with headsets on.)

If there's one thing about Season 11 that's got me a pretty disturbed, though, it's Amara and Dean. And it has nothing to do with being a Destiel fan. I liked Lisa. Although, truth be told, I liked Cassie more - sorry Lisa fans. Lisa was awesome in her own way, but Cassie was smarter about certain things. Cassie knew she couldn't handle being involved with Dean's life because she knew it meant giving up her regular life. Lisa fooled herself into thinking that Dean and her could be together and that him returning to hunting wouldn't change anything. Then kinda blamed it all on Dean that they fell apart. Half of it was on Dean for not telling her what all was going on. (Telling her he was turned into a vampire temporarily and telling her his brother was currently without a soul would have gone a long way toward fixing the problems in their relationship.) But at least half was Lisa because she didn't face how much things would have to change to sustain the relationship once Dean started hunting again until the relationship was falling apart. It doesn't make her any less of a cool character, or ruin the fact that her and Dean had a great relationship. It's just that she was more naive than Cassie, and kind of caused more heartache for everyone involved because of it. Which is why I like Cassie more. She understood enough about his life to know she couldn't handle it, so she walked away before things got that bad.

Mini rant of my opinions on Dean's previous relationships aside, my being disturbed about Amara and Dean doesn't have to do with not liking seeing Dean with someone. It has everything to do with what's actually happening on screen. Here's the thing, though, I'm pretty positive I'm supposed to be disturbed.

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[salmon rants!] HP Through the Eyes of an Old School Fantasy Battleaxe

So, recently, while I had a cold, I vegged on Movie Sins. Couldn't help it. They're like 5-30 minute versions of MST3K. They had the HP movies, so I shrugged and dived in. Probably a mistake. See, I've avoided HP fandom, and I'm really glad I did. HP will never hold that special place to me of Most Hated Story Ever that Twilight does. Maybe because I didn't force myself through the torture of reading two of the books like I did with Twilight...? But, no, HP has it's flaws, yet remains nowhere near as horrendous as Twilight. Of course, being better than Twilight in my eyes is hardly complimentary. It's kind of like saying, "Well it wasn't complete sludge."

Now, before I get flamed by the HP fandomhood at large (Twilight fans can flame away. I will sit back and laugh.), I'm actually not about to trash your fandom. I don't think I'll ever actually read/watch or even really like HP, but I'm willing to give it a few dues. The thing is, I'm no Spring Chicken. I'm an Old School Fantasy Battle Axe and there's stuff I just don't like about Fantasy fandom's modern golden child. However, I do understand what made it so addictive to its fans.

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[fic] Good Intentions

Series: The Tomorrow People (2014)
Title: Good Intentions
Pairing: Jedikiah/Morgan mentioned in passing.
Genre: Gen
Rating: M for mentions of violence and killing
Warnings: Jedikiah-centric. I have a soft spot for him, and find his arc interesting. Lots of head cannon because I think things don't add up quite so simply as "Jedikiah is jealous of Roger" when he cares so much for the darn guy. Also, I think that their organization when from "study Tomorrow People" to "Massacre everyone" way fast considering the ages of Jedikiah, Roger, and Bathory, so I wanted to explore how it got there.

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Alive Still

I finally, finally got a promotion after nearly three years of trying. Extremely relieved, but also way busier since I've been working 10-15 more hours a week than previously. My writing has pretty much come to a dead stop. Apologies to everyone I've left hanging on fics and stories. As always, I have not given up on any of my fics or my writing. I pretty much couldn't imagine my life without it. It's just that getting used to my new position has definitely taken a lot of time and energy.

My health has semi taken a turn for the worse. I've had leg problems for years, and last year started taking prescription pills to keep down swelling I was experiencing perpetually. However, though the pills help keep the swelling under control the pain has gotten worse over the last year. The doctors have no answers for me. Basically I've been told to take my medicine, try to watch my salt intake, walk and do stretching exercises but don't overdo, keep them elevated when I can, ect. All of which I've been up-keeping since they got bad enough to require prescription medicine. None of which seems to be making an improvement. I'm due for a check up soon to see if there's anything new that can help them pinpoint the cause of my problems. But it's been going on for years and nobody has ever come to a positive conclusion, so I'm really not expecting much.

I did start a tumblr, but there isn't much over there that you won't already find over here. Still, if you're over there more, feel free to follow. I will try to update more regularly.

[Salmon Rants!] Please Wait Here

I work in the service industry, and lately a certain thing people do has started making me see red.

Please Wait Here

What really bugs me lately is the fact that customers seem to be completely unable to understand the concept of "form a line here." I mean, seriously? I'm pretty sure we've all grown up standing in lines. Everywhere you go you stand in line - from movie theaters to concerts to amusement parks. We stand in line to go to public restrooms for crying outloud. How is it a hard concept to grasp?

The store I run customer service at has a single check out line that ques to the registers. There is a big red sign that plainly states "Please Wait Here and you will be called to the next available cashier." At the end of the registers is a place for carts and - oh, the exit doors. And yet, daily, the following happens:

1) People try to stand at the wrong end of the line. (Hey, the exit doors (Which are seperate from the entry doors) are here, along with a place to put your carts, and look, people are walking toward me who finished a transaction. This must be the place to stand...)

2) Will walk in the wrong way and try to stand behind a customer that is being checked out, and has to be directed back to the line. (Oh, you mean that's why those five people are standing down there?)

3) Will walk right past the wait here sign and stand behind the customer checking out. I have several probems with this.

a) It makes the customer in front of them uncomfortable. (I don't blame them.)

b) The customer in front of them could be (and often is) entering private information like their debit PIN, or has their purse or bag open in their cart. (I can't help but assume now that you are shady, and will keep your face in mind next time you enter my store. Yes, I am watching you. Yes, I suspect you are a possible thief. If you are not maybe you shouldn't do something like this. Because, frankly, it reads "HI, I'M A POTENTIAL CRIMINAL TRYING TO STEAL CARD NUMBERS, OR POSSIBLY SOMETHING FROM THE PERSON IN FRONT OF ME'S OPEN PURSE.")

c) The extra cashier that is caled up will often assume they are with the current customer and will call the person waiting by the sign forward leading to the customer who has walked passed the sign to get pissy because they were next. (Next time, wait where you are told and this will not happen to you.)

4) People will walk up to registers where there is no cashier, and then wonder why they aren't being checked out. (Were you called forward? No? Then, guess what, NO OTHER REGISTER IS OPEN. Nobody is there to check you out. Stay in line, and someone will call you forward and assist you.)

I get really sick of being polite to these people, because frankly there's no excuse. This is not complicated. We stand in lines all our lives. There is a sign that says where to stand. "Please wait here, and you will be assisted."

[fic] The Truth in the Lie

Series: The Walking Dead
Title: The Truth in the Lie
Pairing: Edwin/Candace/Eugene (Yes, I wrote a Poly Pairing that can't possibly exist. Yay, me.)
Genre: Gen
Rating: T
Warnings: AU due to prompt. (Though it could almost still be canon due to the prompt as well.) Eugene Centric. Mentions of death and government conspiracy. All the good stuff. Also, Poly-pairing. (In case you missed it.)

Based on a kinke meme prompt:

Somebody from the group is somehow responsible for the zombie apocalypse. Maybe he or she worked in a lab and accidentally produced the virus (or not accidentally? :O What it was supposed to be a weapon of mass destruction and the experiments were approved by the government, but then something went wrong?)? Maybe something else happened. I don't care how. He or she hides it and maybe doesn't really feel guilty.

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[fic] End Game

Series: Supernatural
Title: End Game
Genre: Angst
Rating: T
Warnings: Some spoilers for the series. Samifer. Endverse. Headcanon.
Summary: Endverse Dean Introspective, and a final confrontation with Samifer. (Yah, everyone's got a take on it. This is mine.)

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